Jars of heart
by Sum1cooler
Summary: ABSTRACT: Kendall watches James come home every night after a date carrying another jar but it's not the right one. One-sided Kames, Kendall's POV
1. Jars of heart

Sorry, I should be working on my stories but this idea got stuck in my head so I wanted to write a mini-fictet on it. It has no connection to my other stories.

It's inspired by "Jar or Hearts" by Christina Perri but is not based on the song.

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><p>ABSTRACT: Kendall watches James come home every night after a date carrying another jar but it's not the right one. One-sided Kames, Kendall's POV<p>

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><p><strong>Jars of heart<strong>

**Kendall's POV**

It's the same every night. At 5:00 I would sit on my porch leaning against the railing watching the door of the house across the street. It gets dark in Minnesota early, probably because we are higher north but I wouldn't know. All I knew was James would come through those doors every night when the sun goes down.

There he was walking out the door in a leather jacket, dark washed skinnies and a pair of sunglasses which made no sense to wear at night but he looked good.

"Hi Kendall!" He waved at me. The same wave, three strokes in the air follow by a brisk run to my porch to ask the same question. "No date tonight?"

I gave a sigh. "Nope. I like sitting here just breathing alone." I lied, hoping one day he will catch me and break the cycle.

"That's no fun Kendall." He responded messing my hair and lightly nudging me. "Wait I got to go. I promised Jenny, the one that has a crush on me for five year, a date tonight. So… bye Kendall."

"Bye James." I waved back.

It's the same everyday, a new date every night with a girl that has an X-year long crush. His date would be the same too: two hours at the same diner, an hour walk in the park holding hands and two hours sitting on her porch talking ending with an exchange of gifts. James always gives her a kiss and she always gives her heart hoping that it is enough for another date. But that never happens. Another night, another date.

But James is not the only one with a monotonous cycle. I have one too. 5:00, I wait to have our 5 minute chat before he runs to his date. And the next two hours I eat diner and shower follow by homework for an hour, ending with lying on my bed hugging my chest until 10:00 when I would go back and sit on my porch. I would wait for James to walk home.

And there he is, striding to my porch looking handsome as always. He jokingly leans on me earning the usual chuckle.

"I take it the date went well?" I asked knowing the answer.

"Eh, same old same old," He answers with his typical response. "I just date to date."

"Tearing love apart?" I asked experiencing déjà vu.

"What you call tearing, I call collecting."

"Another jar of heart?"

"Exactly." He laughs. "But I haven't found the one jar yet so I'm going to collect until then."

"You're going to catch a cold."

"Nope. I'm used to the night's chilly air."

_From the ice inside your soul. _ "I hope you find your special jar soon."

"Thanks Kendall. So I won't be tearing love apart?"

"Sure James." I frowned knowing James will never notice.

He stood up and stretched. "Bye Kendall. I'm going home and put away another one before I catch a cold."

"Bye James." I replied watching him run across the street.

I sighed feeling the same unbroken cycle again. Every night, the same cold inducing air. Every night, the exactly same talks on the porch. Every night, he carries another jar home.

But every night, it's never my jar.

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><p>I hope you like it. This idea has been haunting me since "Glee" made a version of the song lol. Please review.<p> 


	2. here is my jar

This is for MerielTLA. She wrote an incredible and incredibly long lol kames. It's really good and this sequel is for her =].

Again sorry for lateness in reviewing T.T

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><p><strong>Chapter 2 – Here is My Jar<strong>

**Kendall's POV**

Pop. The sound of a cap pulled off a red sharpie. I drew another "X" on the calendar marking the 56th day of summer. 56 X's burned through the months of June and July. This is a tradition I started with my sister. We hated wasting the summer's day and wanted to make every day count by doing something eventful. And every day counted we mark an X. It's a fun tradition. I remember smiling every single time I marked an X but lately, I don't remember when I smiled doing this anymore.

I loved doing it. I truly did but lately the tradition changed. I started this summer marking every day I waited on the porch for James. I looked forward to the chats; it just makes the day eventful. But now, I hate every "X" on the calendar. They reminded me that every "X" is another date, another day I watch James come and go, another day of the vicious cycle. It lost it meaning and purpose.

I sighed and glanced at my watch seeing it is a quarter before five. _I guess I can wait early_. I went to the porch, resumed my usual position and waited for the boy to walk over.

And here he comes walking differently. I can't place my finger on it, but he seems different.

"Hey Kendall." He said enthusiastically punching my shoulder. "Guess what?"

_That's odd._ I thought, knowing exactly what James would have, well should have said. "You have a date?"

"That's obvious but it's a special date."

"I don't know. Is it with a guy?" I joked.

"WHAT! Ew gross, Knight." He exclaimed as he squished me against the railing.

"Than, what is it?"

"I have a date with Laura." He smiled.

"Wait. You dated her yesterday. Why again?" I asked not quite understanding this new James.

"I don't know. I thought she's ok, meh same old same old, but I talked to her this morning and I guess I had fun talking." He starts playing with his finger. "I guess she's different.

_She broke our cycle._ I thought, frowningly. "So I guess she has your jar?"

He huffed. "I don't know. She is different and I kind of like her so… I'll see tonight."

"Where are you taking her? It's not the usual is it?"

"No, I'm taking her to Corner Bistro."

_That's our favorite restaurant._ I cringed that James is taking her to their place. "That's sounds… great." I mumbled.

"I know. This is big you know. You know the feeling you get when you like someone but you don't know what to do about it?"

_Yes every day, for the last 56 days._ "No." I lied. "I never felt that before."

"Well, it's the best feeling in the world"

_Worst._

"You feel like you're flying."

_Drowning_.

"It's like a warm glow growing in your body."

_Or a pain that consumes you._

"Well, I wish I'll get that feeling one day." I lied watching him feeling everything he just said while I'm feeling everything I thought.

Then he did something completely unusual. "Thanks Kendall." He pulled me in a hug. "I love talking to you. It calms me and helps me before a date."

He chuckled and gotsup. "If I could, I would take you to the restaurant to help me."

_I wish that was an invite._ I chuckled. "The great James Diamond needs help on a date."

"An important date." He smiled dusting his pant. "I hope you will feel everything I just felt one day Kendall." He sincerely said not knowing I can never feel it.

And just like old time, I watched him run down the block to his date. I continued sitting on the porch trying to hold in the consuming pain.

"Mom finished cooking Kendall." Katie said peeking out the front door, breaking my train of thought.

"Oh ok, Katie. I'll be in a sec." I waved my hand at her still staring down the emptied street. She sighed and sat down next to me leaning on my shoulder.

"Why do you do this to yourself?" She whispered.

"Do what?"

"This." She gestured with her hand. "Everyday, I see you leave the house happily and come back inside, frowning five minutes later. Why Kendall?"

"I don't quite know baby sister." I closed my eyes leaning my head on her.

"Why don't you do something?"

"Because I don't know." She grabbed my hand and traced the cracks.

"I know you know, big brother. You always came up with the plan."

"This is different." I said retracting my hand.

"This is love." She paused lifting her head. "This is a risk and you said a life without risk is a life"

"Unlived." I finished.

"You haven't been living for 56 days." I scrunched an eyebrow at her. "I can count the X's. I can connect two and two; every day you marked, you walked out and in, in five minutes."

"So, what are you saying?" I sighed shaking my head.

"I'm saying you need to live. I hate watching you come in for dinner every night with a frown. I love you Kendall and I can't watch you suffer like this." She rebuked hugging me.

"Thanks Katie." I whispered in her ear. "I needed that."

"No problem." She broke the hug. "So what's the plan?"

I got up and walked in the house. "I'm winging it. Tell mom, I eating out." I walked faster to the kitchen hearing a faint "ok" from my helpful sister. I stuffed something from one of the cupboard into my pocket and ripped off the calendar. I speed walked to the restaurant without feeling regret. _I'm taking this risk._

The restaurant is same restaurant I remember. Violins and piano playing in the background, a hostess in the front waiting to take people in and candle lit tables completely full of couples. _Why did James and I go here alone, together? _I thought but was rudely interrupted by the host as I burst through the doors.

"Sir, Please do not break the doors." She said noticeably trying to hold she anger. But that didn't matter to me as I ignored her and yelled "James" throughout the restaurant.

Luckily I noticed him and dashed to his table with the hostess hot on my trail. I stopped in front of his table staring at his confused eyes.

"Kendall what are you doing here?" He whispered loudly. I reached in my pocket and slammed the thick glass jar on the table. The restaurant went silence. The orchestra stopped playing and everyone stared at us. James and his date had an embarrassing blush painted on their faces. I didn't care what was happening to blush.

"This is my jar!" I shouted pushing the empty, lidless container to him.

"What?" He looked confused

"This is my jar, James. Take it." I repeated clenching my fist staring at a stunned James.

"We are on a date." Laura stated.

"I don't care Lori."

"It's Laura." She sounded annoyed crossing her arms.

"I still don't care!" I shouted at her then shifted my eyes back to James. "I lied about feeling it. You want to know how I felt? Because I know what you're talking about."

"Ok sir, you need to" The hostess tried to say.

"Shut up." I shouted not letting anyone stop me. I threw the calendar down on James' plate not caring about the future stains. "Everyday, for the last 56 days, I felt like drowning. I never flew and never could. It's not the best feeling, not even close. It's the worst feeling I've ever felt."

James sat there shocked waiting to see if there is more. "Kendall, I'm on a date." He nudged his head toward Laura.

"I know, for the last 56 days now. And everyday, of the 56 dates, you collected 55 jars. But you talked to me for those 56 days, you never once took my jar. You were supposed to take my jar James."

"Sir you have to leave." The hostess repeated with securities. They grabbed my arms and started dragging me toward the door. I resisted their pull long enough to stare at James one last one before they lifted me off the ground. "I'll be waiting at the porch, same time." That was the last thing I yelled before I was thrown out.

12:00. I waited on the porch for the last two hours for James to come home. I breathed onto my hands watching the translucent air rose.

"I guess the dinner went well?" Katie slowly said, walking over to lean or Kendall again. She threw a blanket over them, snuggling closer to me.

I sighed. "If it went well, I would still be out."

"Or you could be here finally living."

"Katie." I raised my voice. "This isn't living. This is dying. This isn't one of your pre-teen cliché "I love you. You love me," movie. I don't get the guy."

"Yea." She mumbled. "But you finally lived. You finally took a risk. You finally became the big brother I remembered and still love."

I hugged her under the blanket. I smiled. "Thanks Katie. I needed that too."

She giggled and got up. "I'm going to sleep. You coming?"

I looked at the empty street again before answer. "Maybe later."

"Ok" She yawned dragging her blanket back in the house. _I'll wait ten more minutes._ I thought.

But those minutes became an hour and sleepiness was taking over. I yawned and got up to the door.

"Kendall!" I heard him scream right when I unlocked the door. I turned around and looked at his heaving body. "Can we talk?"

I sat back down on the porch and watched him sit down in our usual position. "Where were you?" I asked concerned.

"In the park."

"With lori?"

He chuckled. "Not with Laurie, by myself. I wanted to think after you left."

"What were you thinking about?"

"Stuff. Summer." He laughed playing with his fingers. "All the times we talked. And my hobby. Did you really want to give me your jar?"

"I think the whole restaurant knows that." We laughed. "I'm sorry for what I did there. You probably got banned from there now."

"I don't need to go back." James stopped twiddling his finger and reached in his pocket. "Here Kendall, I want you have your jar back."

He places the jar in my hands. "Sorry James, I just wanted to let you know how I felt."

"Wait Kendall." He stopped me and grabbed a picture from his wallet. "I want you to have this too." He putted the picture in the jar. I smiled remembering the photo. It was a photo of us arms over each others shoulder in that restaurant.

"Why are you giving me this?" I asked looking at his eyes.

"I want you to have my heart." He said pulling me into a long hug.

"But hey Kendall?" He asked solemnly.

I pulled away. "Yea?"

"I'm not gay." He said shaking his head.

"I know." I replied. Truthfully, I wished he didn't say it, ruining the moment but I know deep down, I can't have him. "Then why did you give me this?"

"Because I never found the right person to give my heart to. Every girl gives me her but no one is good enough for mine." He grabbed my hand. "That's why I want you to have it. You're the closest person to my heart and I thought if you're willing to give me your, I'll give you mine."

"Thanks James but…" I pushed the jar but to him. "You're not gay and you need this for a girl one day."

"No, I need you." He stuffed the jar in my pocket. "Look Kendall, I know I'm not into guys but I love you more than any girl, so keep it. I don't think any girl is as worthy of my heart as you are. So…" He rubbed her neck.

"Maybe if you're the one for me, at least you already have my jar."

"Corny, James." I smiled. "But thanks, I love to have it." I yawned and got up. "I'm going inside to sleep."

"Wait." He said grabbing my wrist. "Do you want to a maybe um go to um a date with me?"

I laughed. "Did you ever ask a girl out before?"

"Why would I, they ask me out. Asking is harder than it seems."

"Well say what they said."

He took a deep breath. "Kendall, I'm in love with you for…" He counted his fingers "eleven years, ever since kindergarten when we shared finger paint." He smiled that irresistible James diamond smile, one I fell for. "Would you go out with me?"

"Sure but we do have to do the boyfriend-boyfriend thing if you feel uncomfortable. We can go out as friends."

James breathed out in relief. "Thank gosh. Let's start at going out as best friend and see where that takes us. Night Kendall."

I watched him walk back home. For the first time, I smiled walking back in the house even though James doesn't have my jar, I have his.

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><p>I want to keep this as a one-sided kames but I guess it is kind of open ended now. You can decide if kames is mutual or one-sided. Please review.<p> 


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